I, Licuntus, shall contest the allegations hurled against me by the moral but hypocritical authorities, these so-called guardians of feminine virtue and gallantry. I shall answer point by point their incriminatory questions in the name of the common good and societal modesty.
How dareth they wrong and debase my professorship of attaining sexual satisfaction and my advocacy for loyalty between husband and wife as these wolves in sheeps’ clothing unconscionably invaded my private quarters without a warrant. How they vilifieth and burneth my books and letters in the public square and interrogated my apprentices in irons! Hath they the gall to muzzle the freedom of speech so as to maintain the freedom of speech so as to maintain the status quo of sexual ignorance, hence continued negligence of our most significant other?
The gallant and most chivalrous pastor Master Bathi Ambidexterus brandeth me the purveyor of licentiousness and moral depravity. My brother scholar, what art more debauch than the public display of violence in Shakespeares’ play, where Caesar was stabbed in the back by big men? And Caesar saying, “Et tu, Brute?” If thou art sincere in thy moral guardianship, I dare thee to chain the doors of the brothel of Madame Pimperella, where amongst the patrons is a doddering old man that lookst like thee.
The local magistrate, the most eligible senior bachelor, the very virile Chasegerli Tryahardi, dubbeth my teachings as not baseth on scholarly study, that my methods art fit for the effeminate as they hath no efficacy whatsoever.
On the first part of thy diatribe, Machisimo, I so verily totally agree! No, indeed no. Mine intimate knowledge cometh not from books and bespectacled mentors, from churchmen, or from institutions. They cometh exclusively from my sensitivity and wealth of experience. If experience art never the best mentor for thee, it surpriseth me not thou hast never known what thy Lady Marmalade, thy wife for many years, desireth, but that I hath copiously filleth in thy absence. Thou forgive her though as she hath patience plenty for thy ineptitude.
As for the second part of thy insult, I hold as my witness 50 women and 101 men who hath receiveth and applieth my sexual strategies and shall testify to their sexual fulfillment.
The other detractors, I found thee beneath my notice to merit a counter.
My rationale for mine instruction of the younger generation, is that I believeth the task hath been placeth in mine hands to pass on my knowledge lest it perish in choking conservatism and self-assured complacency.
Sex for mine advanced age art a bonus, a parting gift, however for the young, my apprentices and their ladies, to them, like any human capability or skill, sex must be placeth under scrutiny and be perfecteth, even if only partly, for I too acknowledge human finiteness.
Despite of what thy sayeth to the contrary, I shall enlighten my apprentices with my expertise.
Licuntus Amorlongus
