I have a friend who confided to me something really intimate I fear that I might go through the same thing myself. This is what he told me in between shots of vodka:
“You know Tom, I have to admit…sex is becoming a little more difficult to perform in middle age. My wife does not know it, but it getting harder for me to keep up with her needs. When we were younger, I last longer, and she comes faster. It’s not so hard to be in rhythm when I was never panting back then, my member was as hard as a rock, and she was fully lubricated like a 24 hour car wash station.
“Now, it’s either I would either come too soon, or go soft inside her. She does not lubricate as much as she used to. Trying to stay hard gives me headaches after. The only consolation I have is that when she does come, after a miracle of thrusting to a point of a trance, she gets really tired and then, I feel okay. But not without the physical repercussions. It shows when I go back to work: the slips, lapses, memory problems, endurance, stress coping.
“I hope she realizes that even though I am still trying hard to be the lover I should be for her, she must realize that as age progresses, sexual satisfaction must give way to physiological realities. I don’t angle for younger women, I have a reality check every time I look myself in the mirror. I know I can’t stop middle-aged women from wanting young, muscled studs but in my opinion, consumerism aside, it is not appropriate anymore to linger on self-satisfaction at the expense of negative self-image, double life, and infidelity to someone who has been loyal to you for a long time. Besides, we don’t need to come all the time, don’t we? It’s enough we cuddle, feel each other tenderly, and be less lonely, right?
“I think we should take sex and our relationship to the next level, and abandon the animal instincts that makes us addicted to self-indulgement to the point of making a purely recreational, intimate, relaxing, bonding activity into something central to our life at the expense of other more important aspects of living.
“But the problem I really have, Tom, is how could I open this up to her? Sorry if I have to open up to you like this, but man, I don’t know to whom I can turn to. You’re the blogger, you gotta have something up your sleeve. I love her. But I don’t want our marriage to be rocky just because our genitals are getting rusty. Well?
Do be honest, I was speechless that night at the bar. I was embarrassed at not being eloquent or inspired to give my friend so sparky counsel to spark their relationship. Maybe because I fear I might come to that point to and I would feel inadequate myself. Could I tell him that our women, our wives, will eventually understand what we’re going through? I gave him a few sophistic mumblings about regaining manhood, it’s all a cycle yada-yada, but I did bite my tongue in recommending pills or diets. Nope, I won’t recommend anything of that sort.
I am at a loss too.
I don’t really post often, part of my busy schedule, but if you find this post intriguing and you might want to help out me and my friend, feel free to leave some advise regarding this dilemma and I assure you I will acknowledge and reply to your comment as soon as I am able.
Thanks, and have a good day.